Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
