as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
