He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
