went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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