I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
