Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
