do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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