i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
