He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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