you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
