had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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