ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
