People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
