I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
