I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
