yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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