i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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