My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
