if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
