clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
