Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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