Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
