they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
