Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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