Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
