It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
