Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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