ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
