Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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