We are two peas in an std pod
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
