i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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