I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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