I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
