that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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