Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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