Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
