i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
