I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
