dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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