also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
