I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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