He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You're like the curious george of whores
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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