You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
