for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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