So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
