walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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