Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
