We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
