I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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