I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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