My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
