i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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