Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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